Access to Singles Network Online Dating Advice - Guide to internet dating.

Hello there. Now don't get nervous about doing this at all. It really is quite simple once you get the hang of it. You just have to take a common sense approach to it and you'll get some satisfying results. The information we're going to give you here is pretty basic and you really should follow these instructions to insure at least getting some responses to your ad.

 

Where Do I Begin

 

Get a *recent* picture of yourself scanned and put it on a disk. There are a variety of sources to get this done. You can go to your local Kinkos and they will do it for you or many of the one hour photo places also provide that service. We can do it for you for a small fee as well. We cannot stress the importance of getting a recent picture, preferably no older than a few months old. However we know you're busy, so that might not be possible, but please, don't go over 1 year or older. People change in a year. We have seen examples where people send pictures that are 5 years old, the men having a lot more hair, for example, and the women may have gained a few pounds over the last five years. This is so crucial because the goal here is to make new friends and meet new people. There is no sense in getting your hopes up about someone, only to find out that they look nothing like the picture you saw a few days ago. Again, HONESTY is the best policy. *Important* Make sure your ad is free of spelling errors.

 

Creating Your Ad

 

Again, the key to this is HONESTY. You want to be as honest as possible and create your ad including information that is true to you. For example, if you have never watched a football game in your life and the thought of sports makes you sick, don't say in your ad that you like sports, just to try and impress someone, or "get your man." But if you golf, are a beach lover, are a sailor, etc. include all that in your ad. If you enjoy cultural activities state that as well. Again, if you say you enjoy going to museums and you happen to hook up with someone that read that in your ad, and then you say "ugh, I hate going to museums",  you have just wasted a lot of time. Anything else you put in your ad won't be believable. *Very Important * Ladies and Gentleman, if you're MARRIED, say so. If you have kids, say that as well. What are you going to do with them if you hit it off with someone and you "forgot" to mention you had kids? Hide them in the closet? If you're married and looking for a fling, there are people out there looking for the same thing but, there are also people out there who would never dream of having an affair or dating a married man or woman. There are plenty of people out there that love kids and some who don't. The bottom line is this, be true to yourself, it will only be beneficial to you and the person you're going to meet. Hey, let's face it, one of the reasons you're doing this to begin with is because you've been so busy, so why waste time putting out negative information. It's simply not going to be worth it in the end.

 

Responding To An Ad

 

Yes, you're right, we're using the word again, Honesty. It just makes sense to be honest and tell it like is. You'll have more successes in this if you just follow that philosophy. So in saying that, the same things that you did when you made up your personal ad should apply when you answer one. Ladies, I'm going to give you an example of an ad I just read, and let's take a look at it.

 

Hi from a 40yo. SWM who is looking for an attractive and petite lady to develop a LTR with. I am a financially/emotionally secure, nonsmoker/light drinker, and have a fantastic sense of humor. I'll always be trying to make you smile and laugh! Looking for someone who is much the same. If you like the outdoors as well as sitting in front of the fireplace, boating on the bay as much as carving down a snowy slope, roasting on a beach then covering up under the stars, then drop me a line. I have a photo for those interested, and would love to see yours if you have one. Oh, and one more thing, must be a dog lover!

 

This is a good example of an ad. He has stated a lot of information but yet made it as brief as possible. First of all, he is a Single, White, Male (SWM). He may be divorced and single now or single and never married. He is looking for a petite lady ( So ladies, if you see this, and you're overweight, don't respond, it will be a waste of your time and his.) He says he is financially secure and emotionally secure. He does not smoke and is a light drinker. If you're a smoker, he probably won't like it but don't let that stand in your way when responding to an ad. It may make no difference to him one way or the other but if you do smoke, you know up front that he doesn't so don't be surprised if he's not interested in you. He has a great sense of humor. He is the outdoors type but likes romance (if he says he sits in front of the fireplace he has at least a little bit of romance in there, wouldn't you agree?) he probably has a boat (if you hate the water or get sea-sick, this is probably not a good ad to answer) and is a snow skier. He has a photo ( we told you to get one, now go do it if you haven't already ) and he wants to see yours too. And also, he added in here that he is a dog lover, that is a must he says. So if you hate dogs, don't respond.

 

Waiting For Responses

 

So what next? You've either created or responded to an ad. And now the waiting begins. What kind of responses you get will depend on the "pool" of people in your area, and we really have no way of knowing how many responses you will get. We know that there are currently more men out there willing to use the Internet for this purpose, so ladies you will probably get more responses than a man will. However, one of our goals in creating this page was to try to squelch the fears of anyone having the desire to use this medium but either was afraid to do so or simply just didn't know what to do. You will get responses from a variety of people. Some will perk your interest and others may not. Some will be offensive, that is one of the downsides of this, but get over it. Just delete them and forget it. Most people out there responding to these ads are just like you and me, busy professionals who have good intentions. And remember, that everyone's perception is their own reality, so you may for example get a response from someone that states they are active, physically fit and "they look good." Well your opinion may be different and you may perceive them differently. This is just one of the things that you have to go through in doing this type of thing. If you're out in a bar, you can see the physical person and you know right then and there whether there is an attraction or not. This is why we have stated that using a photo is a good starting point, because we know everyone perception of "attractive" or " I look good" is different. What happens after you get your responses is the thing that gets a little questionable from both perspectives. Who gives their phone number out first?

 

Should you give out your phone number after responding via e-mail? Well let me ask you this, if you met someone out in a bar or restaurant or at the health club you'd give them you're phone number wouldn't you? So, this is really no different. If anything, you may decide after talking on the phone to the person that what your perception was through email and the internet has now changed. You'll just have to go with your gut feeling. I know that some of you are fearful for safety reasons etc., your Aunt Mary told you to stay away from the internet because there are a lot of nuts out there." Well, like everywhere, yes there are some nuts I suppose using the internet, but billions of people all over the world use it and the negativity from it is miniscule. Remember, common-sense is the key.

 

Your First Meeting

 

Oh my gosh, I'm so nervous! I responded to an ad and now they want to meet me! YIKES!!!!!!!!

 

Relax. You can do it and it will be fun and a learning experience if you let it be one. You need to follow a few rules to insure your safety and to make it as comfortable as possible for both parties. There is no getting around it however, most people do have a degree of tension when going to their first meeting. And there's not much we can do for you in that department. We all have to do it, so it's best not to get too bent out of shape. Just follow these simple steps, and don't go there with any pre-conceived expectations. Just make up your mind that you're going to make a new friend today. Whether they turn into a lover or not, you know you're making a new friend. This is what we suggest for first meetings:

 

Meet In A Public Place ( Starbucks, Borders, Barnes & Noble, Friendly Ice Cream etc.)

 

Set a time limit if desired. The place you meet will kind of take care of itself. How much coffee can you drink anyway? But setting a limit puts no pressure on anyone. Just simply say when you've agreed to a place and time that you have 45 minutes and then you have an appointment to go too.

 

Keep the conversation light and cheerful. If you've been through a terrible divorce or were terribly hurt recently, now is not the time to discuss it. Talk about some of the positives that were in your profile and see what real common interests are there between the two of you. This will give you a pretty good indication if this person is going to be just a friend more than that.

 

What Next

 

Don't make any promises you don't intend to keep. We recommend staying away from "I will call you later", "I can't wait to meet you again" or make any reference to another meeting at that time. When you get back home, either e-mail or call the person thanking them for a nice time and either saying, "I really had a nice time and I like you as a friend but I am not interested in dating, just friends is good" or by saying " I had a great time, I'd love to go out with you again." Whatever is the truth, now is the time to say it. Gentlemen this is especially aimed at you. The male species is famous for doing this. They will say, "I had a great time" and "I'll call you in a few days" when in reality you were not attracted to her at all and just don't have the guts to say it. Then are shocked and surprised when after a few days the lady starts e-mailing you to death or calling wanting to know what's up. Being honest and up front is where it's at guys. Get real. Nobody has time for games. And this also applies to the ladies too, don't lie. Just be up front and honest. You'll make a lot more friends and be a lot happier as well.

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